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- "Mr C thought there was something dodgy
about the satnav Mrs C picked up in St.
Albans market for a fiver."
- "Disaster at Lord's as 5p falls out of Mr. C's
wallet."
- "Sorry guys, I am no longer available to do
Eggheads, something else has come up"
- "Yes, that's extra pepperoni with a stuffed
crust. Thanks"
- "All he needs is the beard, and he can be my
stunt double"
- "That was the last time L+P believed the cards
he found in phone boxes. This was not the
'6 foot leggy brunette' he was expecting."
- "Pxyzzygy looked lovely in his new cocked hat."
- "Tevez's mum goes to watch him train!!"
- "The Harrogate Sex Offenders' Day Trip was
not going to plan!"
- "I'm a gardener Simon, I know exactly what
a courgette looks like."
- "Oh Gordon, you're so funny with your hilarious
comedy 'joy buzzer' handshakes!"
- "Terry McDermott was upset that no one had
told him the fancy dress party was cancelled"
- "Stupid glasses"
"Crap beard"
- "There was no way that Intergalactic Pimp My
Ride was going to turn this heap of rust into
an X-Wing."
- "SW Coach couldn't believe what that French
idiot had done just an our into his holiday."
- "The Scouse Village People auditions weren't
going too well."
- "London 2012 Olympic heats held in Pilton"
- "Cossie's dislike of Guinness truffles was only
matched by Mrs C."
- "It was a typical day after the night before for
Mr Benn of The Flaky Four."
- "You were meant to prick my boil!" screamed
a delirious Mr Benn at the dyslexic Nurse Balls
- "and I was holding the guinness in my left
hand, like this, when suddenly..."
- "Mr. Benn wondered if she had a sister?"
