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- "Mr C thought there was something dodgy
   about the satnav Mrs C picked up in St.
   Albans market for a fiver."

- "Disaster at Lord's as 5p falls out of Mr. C's

- "Sorry guys, I am no longer available to do
    Eggheads, something else has come up"

- "Yes, that's extra pepperoni with a stuffed
    crust. Thanks"

- "All he needs is the beard, and he can be my
    stunt double"

- "That was the last time L+P believed the cards
    he found in phone boxes. This was not the
    '6 foot leggy brunette' he was expecting."


- "Pxyzzygy looked lovely in his new cocked hat."



- "Tevez's mum goes to watch him train!!"

- "The Harrogate Sex Offenders' Day Trip was
    not going to plan!"

- "I'm a gardener Simon, I know exactly what
    a courgette looks like."

- "Oh Gordon, you're so funny with your hilarious
    comedy 'joy buzzer' handshakes!"


- "Terry McDermott was upset that no one had
    told him the fancy dress party was cancelled"

- "Stupid glasses"

   "Crap beard"

- "There was no way that Intergalactic Pimp My
    Ride was going to turn this heap of rust into
    an X-Wing."

- "SW Coach couldn't believe what that French
    idiot had done just an our into his holiday."

- "The Scouse Village People auditions weren't
    going too well."

- "London 2012 Olympic heats held in Pilton"

- "Cossie's dislike of Guinness truffles was only
    matched by Mrs C."

- "It was a typical day after the night before for
    Mr Benn of The Flaky Four."

- "You were meant to prick my boil!" screamed
    a delirious Mr Benn at the dyslexic Nurse Balls

- "and I was holding the guinness in my left
    hand, like this, when suddenly..."

- "Mr. Benn wondered if she had a sister?"


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