World Cup
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World Cup Rules
The following household rules will be in force once the World Cup begins
on June 9th, and will apply until after the final takes place on July 9th.
They should be made aware to everyone in your household to avoid
any unnecessary confrontations.
They are specifically aimed at
non-football fans!
1. From June 9th to July 9th everyone living in your house must read the sports section of at least one newspaper per day. This is to ensure that those not normally interested in football are able to join in the only topic being discussed by those following the World Cup. If you fail to follow these instructions you run the risk of being totally ignored for a month. In such cases DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the main use of the
television will be to watch football. This includes live matches, highlight
programmes, programmes featuring team news, debates, and anything relevant
to the World Cup. Anyone attempting to grab the remote control and flick
from anything relating to the World Cup onto Eastenders, Big Brother, or
anything else, runs the risk of physical assault.
3. During the matches, highlight programmes,
and any other programmes that contain World Cup information, football fans
will not react to anyone talking to them unless it involves football, food,
or drink. They will also not answer the phone, front door, or check on the
screaming kids upstairs.
4. If England are losing in a game, please do not say "get over it, it's only a game", or "don't worry, I'm sure they will win next time". These attempted words of encouragement will only fuel any anger and could lead to an unnecessary confrontation.
5. Non-football fans are welcome to sit with football fans and enjoy the matches, however they can only speak during the commercial breaks, and so if the match is on the BBC they cannot say a single word.
6. Replays of goals and key incidents are very
important. We may have seen them a dozen times already, but that may still
not be enough!
7. During the World Cup, non-football fans are advised not to arrange anything that requires the participation of football fans. This includes birthday parties, shopping, gardening, and if any women are due to give birth, they may have to go through labour and the birth on their own because football fans will not be participating in any of these occasions. The only exception is if we are invited to watch a match somewhere else.
8. Although already mentioned, the highlights shows on TV every day are just as important as the games themselves. Please do not say "but you've already seen this", or "can we change the channel to something everyone can enjoy". Please refer to rule no.2
9. And finally, please don't say anything such
as "thank god the World Cup is only once every four years", as we are immune
to these words, and within another month the Premier League, Champions
League, Spanish League etc. all start over again for another season.
Thank you for your
co-operation. Non-football fans
are welcome to use the TV between 12am and 6am.
