- "It's pandemonium in the pub garden when
    Mr C says the next round is on him."

- "Mr Cambo's attempt to level his lawn had
    failed yet again."

- "It's all smiles as the UK's 1984 4x400m relay
   team meet up at the Pigbag reunion concert"

- "Cully couldn't believe he'd just sold £1m of
   kitchens and all Roger Black gave him as a prize
   was another copy of the sodding Pigbag LP."

- "And when did you first decide to become a
    bucket?"

- "Yet again, the English weren't too hopeful of
    winning the World Spitting Contest."

- "Police arrest the ringleader behind the Leeds
   relegation riots"

- "Gladys concedes defeat. Her 3 day rooftop
    protest is over after the new St Albans
    Tesco plans are approved"

- "Mr C eagerly awaits for the Embrace concert
   to start"

- "And I will strike down upon thee with great
   vengeance and furious anger those who would
   attempt to poison and destroy my players."

- "Is Peter Crouch really that tall?"

- "You think Liverpool can win the league? I think
    I can see a pig flying up there!"
 

- "After getting David socks for the past 3 years,
    Posh thought she would try something different
    this xmas"

- "Tony Blair's Christmas present is wrapped so it's
    a big surprise"

- "Wills and Finn take advantage of Cambo's
    hangover"

- "Green fingers, purple toes, pink elephants,
    wibble wibble"

- "15,000 top grade leaves go into making every
    bottle of Original Source Marakesh shower gel"

- "WPC Smith always offered to look after the
    neighbours plants when they were away"

- "Tony, do you mind if the wife pops round to
    measure up for curtains"

- "So, Gordon, was it your idea to put the
    stingray in my bath?"

- "I'm not leaving number 10 until I get a
   testimonial at Wembley, and that might not
   be ready for years!!"

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